I need help removing her.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
