My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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