Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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