When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
