Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
