Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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