I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
