I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
