We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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