I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
