he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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