I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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