Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
