my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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