got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
