i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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