ugly people sure do ruin things
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
