She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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