That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
