did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
