i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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