one two three fourrrrnication!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
