Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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