I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
