I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
