An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
