Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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