he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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