I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
