I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
