I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
