never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
