It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
