im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize