I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
