Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
