Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
