and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
