Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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