Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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