That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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