Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
