so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
