whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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