He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
