i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
