i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
