Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
