I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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