God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
