someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
