Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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