He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
