I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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