Got a toothbrush?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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