considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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