Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
