you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
