I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
