i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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