Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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