Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
