he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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