dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
