the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
