He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love you. Go after that dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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