Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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