Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
