he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
