Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize