I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
