btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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