so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
