He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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