Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
