Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
