Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
