i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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