Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
