soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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