I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize