Im at strip club and am horny
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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