oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am one with the molecules
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
