She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
