it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
