Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
